True Colors.

Eventually, as time passes by, as waves crashes the sea, as the sun rises and sets, as the Earth spins, and as we move on, we see the true colors in everyone and everything around us. We see the truth behind the deceit and the lies. We see the beauty behind the ugliness. We see the black behind the white. And we see the sunshine after the rain.

It's a pity that the true colors we see, aren't really what we want or how we hoped for it to be. 

It's a pity that the people we love and hope to keep change drastically.

It's just a pity. 

But somehow, at the peak of every story, there's always a point where we open up and we try making amends with what we have around us and, we adapt to it. I did it, I met new people, I got close to a few people, I backed away, I mixed with the old ones, I got closer to them but at the end of the story, what matters the most is that I am happy.

It's a joy seeing other people, living lives and enjoying each and every moment of their lives just enjoying them.
It's a joy seeing people know that there's this one person in their life that can make them feel miserable and just so happy at the same time.

And I know someday, on a beautiful day, I will get the happy ending to the story of my life.

Just like everybody else.

Big red nose.

Have you ever feared of anything before in your life ?

Perhaps when you were little you had this fear for Clowns or maybe fear for Big Soft Toys that you see in shopping malls. Well, if you haven't than maybe I'm one out of the ten that has experience that fear once before.

I still remember that very day of my life. I think I was five, and just enjoying and living my life to the fullest. Nothing, and I mean nothing at all ever seemed to bother me. My life at that time was all about going to kindy, learning, reading, counting numbers and that's it. I go home and I watch TV and my life is fulfilled. I was at a mall with my mother. And there was this exhibition going on and they were promoting things. I couldn't care less til I saw this creature roaming around in a big colourful suit with a big red nose. I tell you, it was the most ugliest, single most scariest thing I have ever seen in my whole entire life. That day I learnt a new word - CLOWN.

It happened while I was walking steadily in Subang Parade. Rummaging through the clothes while holding my beloved mother's hands. Then, there came this 'thing', this huge 'thing'(at that point, anything a little bigger than me, to me was huge). It came to me and asked me with its hideous voice whether I wanted a balloon or not. Being scared, obviously my immediate reaction was to hold my mother's hands tighter and to scream and say "MAAAAAA ......." and again and again. My mother looked at me and asked me what was wrong and told me that it was just a clown. I released my hand from my mum's clutch and ran away. The sickening part was that I thought he'd stay away instead he ran as well trying to catch me. I was screaming and screaming til my dad came and grab hold of me and told me to calm down and stop crying. I think I fell asleep after crying for too long. On my father's shoulders.

Basically, that was where it all began, where and how the nightmare began. So ever since, til this very day, I will forever have this strong hatred feeling towards clowns.

I hereby declare that I am afraid of clowns.

Period.

Summer after high school.

This place is kinda dusty. I mean this personal column of mine. But it won't be dusty anymore now that SPM is OVER. I am finally free. Free from stress and free from this mess. 

Here's what I learnt throughout my whole three weeks of facing reality ;

- Family is everything and everything is family.

- Your parents are the best thing in your life besides God.

- Calamity is the key to everything.

- Allah is ALWAYS there for you.

- People come and people go as they please.

- Never study at the very last minute.

- Practice what you preach.

- Nobody's perfect so the last thing you should be doing is to judge someone.

- Nothing lasts forever.

- Things happen for a reason.

- You'll never know if you've never even tried.

- Good food is equivalent to a good soul.

- A mother's love beats no other.

- Never ever give up even when it looks tempting to give up.

- Be strong for there are always people around you that has a hobby in tearing you up.

- Everyone is special in their own way. 

- We are who we are.

- Never listen to horror movies told by your friends when you're actually a wussy.

- Be happy.

- High school love only happens to some people.

- I've never been happier.

35.

35 days to go until the Big Day arrives. No, not my wedding. Just the examination that's gonna determine my future. Where I'm gonna head after, where life brings me after and so on. 

No doubt, I am disappointed way beyond the valley of disappointment and I am vastly sad. But, time goes on even when we don't want it too. And we can never turn around, to mend whats done. Because what's done is done, whether we like it or not. The next best thing to do, is to use all the time left wisely and to utilize the time left the best we can. 

It's never too late, never ever too late. 

All the best to students of class '11.

Confusion.

I don't get it. I don't get it. I will never get it. I will never ever get it. I just never will. Enough said.

The untold story of a Seventeen year old.

These days, the weather has been rather unpredictable. It rains in the middle of daylight, in the middle of the night, just about anytime of the day. It rains and it shines every single day. Its just like life. A lot like life. There are days where your life just seems so hot, tensed up, stress building, mind boggling like the sun and there are days where your life is cold, peaceful, at ease, stress free like the rain.

I shouldn't be posting up anything this time around, I'm just weeks away, from my big important examination. But, unwinding after a very long day, is a must and is a virtue. Since writing seems to be the only resort, and since my mind is filled with so many things, I shall write away my sorrows and accomplishments.

These past few years in high school, taught me a lot. Taught me the true meaning of life. Might not be everything I should know about life but I've been through the gees of the things that complicates this life. I know, it has become a habit for me to say that everything changes and that you can never trust anyone, but its these few days and weeks that has made me realize that those words I always say are actually true.

People really change. Some to an extend where you can't imagine. Some don't even change and just remain the same. I don't know how & what I've become but I do know, I am now, not the person I was when I was 15, or the person I was when I was 16 or the person I was before that. Whether I've changed for better or for worse, I can never be too sure and it still remains to be seen. But what saddens me the most is that the people whom I've trust whole-heartedly, whom I've relied on before, some are not who they used to be, some are mean, some are inconsiderate and some just couldn't be bothered. For all you know, I have become one of those people too and if that were to be true, my deepest apologies as I never intended to do so.

But like they say, people always change, whether we like it or not.

Then, comes the part where you just feel like your personal space, your life is invaded but unwanted people, unwanted problems, in short ; nuisance. It's just pathetic, when what you say and what you do is being watched and guarded by everyone around you. When whatever that comes out from your mouth is being judged when they know peanuts about you. It's more sickening when stories about you are being made up as you speak, most of them never even happened in the first place. The gruesome part of all is that, people actually buy it without even analyzing the truth, without even investigating further. Instead they just assume and put two and two together by themselves.

But I find that the easiest way out of the fuss and to not burden yourself with such a hassle is to always remind yourself, "It's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter".

Some people think they're all that and just the best, they fail to observe or even care about the life others are going through. Some think they're pious enough to give advise to others. Some mindlessly triggers other people's anger. Some just loves making up stories from whatever source they have. Some just love seeing other people tumble down. Some don't even have the courtesy to make amends with people they might have hurt. Some, just don't care.

But, it's human nature. Nobody is perfect, anyway. That has always been the reason, the argument and the verdict.

Nonetheless I am only human and making mistakes and realizing them after doing them is just my nature. I am not perfect, not even close. With that, forgive me for my wrongdoings and my silly mistakes. It's those mistakes that mold us into becoming a better person. And it's those mistakes that changes us into better people. Mistakes changes us, it really does.

Quite frankly, I am scared to face the life I'll be living after school ends. Scared by the thought of starting over, making new friends, learning & experiencing amazing new things and the list can go on and on. Scared to leave my high school life behind. They say the world out there ain't easy and the fact that they say the world is cruel scares me the most.

But at the end of everyday, we wake up and it's a brand new day. We still smile and laugh even after a rough and tough day. Because at the end of everyday, we all eventually get a grip of ourselves, we get on and we move on with our lives and we eventually leave our past behind us. Because we know that everything happens for a reason and if things don't go how it's supposed too, we know Allah, The Almighty has better plans for us.

Eid Mubarak.

First and foremost,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir & Batin.

As always, I expected this year's Raya to be mundane. But to my surprise, this year's Raya was one of the best Raya I have ever experienced, my whole life, combined. And as usual, I learnt so many things through out my stay in Ipoh as well as in Sitiawan. 

This year's Syawal was different from the rest. We celebrated it at Aunty Yong's place and Aunty Yang wasn't with us as it was 'the in-laws' side this year. There were only a few of us, less than 20 of us during First Syawal. Despite the small number of people, we had a good time laughing and sharing jokes with one another. I get teary eyed whenever I think of Syawal. So let the pictures do the talking.

:')